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Blaming Others I

Blame can be linked to three transactional models:

 

  • I’m to blame. This stems from the beliefs I’m not OK, You’re OK. Here the speaker feels helpless or possibly guilty.
  • You’re to blame. I’m OK, you’re not Ok. This position is an angry one.
  • We are to blame. I’m not OK, You’re not ok. Here the feeling is that of hopelessness.

A position rooted in blame is necessarily unhealthy. A healthy approach would be acceptance and concern about how to move forward and avoid a recurrence. Unfortunately many discussions of an occurrence degenerate into “blame sessions” This is never useful.

Blame others has a long history. The term “scapegoat” comes from an annual ceremony where all the sins of a community were laid at the door of a goat, which was then driven into the wilderness, carrying the blame for everything that had gone wrong in the past year, and absolving the humans involved. This approach validated the whole concept that someone or something necessarily had to be blamed.

Blame arises because somehow you feel that you have been the victim of someone else’s actions or perhaps just circumstances. This is actually due to a belief in our life scripts which can be called “victim consciousness” and arises from the earliest period of our lives when we are indeed helpless and dependant on the goodwill of others.

It is interesting, in that though we are playing the Parent-Child, it is acquired so early in our lives. This shows the power of the ego even at such an early age. Obviously one cannot be to blame – one is, after all, helpless. So anything that is wrong must be due to the actions of others

Some games that are associated with this are SWYMD (See What You Made Me Do), UGMIT (You Got Me Into This) and IFWY (If It Weren’t For You). These games are very common.

Iit is important to realize that this tendency to blame is neither useful nor therapeutic. As it tends to distract from the actual issues and a workable solution it is counter-productive. Taking an objective approach to any situation without resorting to personalities is a much more effective and more appropriate approach – even, or especially if you don’t like the other person involved.

(Continued)

Mat21