Ratgeber für MicroUnternehmen

Provoking Humilities II

This is done to elicit more affection, shows of love or greater demands on the other person. However, this can backfire and cause the other side to resent or even hate the partner for deliberately hurting them. A narcissist may try to resume their superior position by provoking humilities, demanding even greater apologies and statements along the lines of how horrible the other person is. Each party then moves to even greater extremes, instead of moving from child-parent to adult-adult relationships.

Dialog Examples

When someone decides that they are OK but others are “not OK”, they assume a dominant or superior position over others. However, this position is threatened by others seeking equal status and respect. The solution may take the form of provoking humilities.


• A man enjoys his status as the breadwinner and being superior to his wife. He eats dinner and describes it as “tolerable” or “manageable”. She is then challenged to describe her need to do better next time or how her cooking has always been mediocre at best. “You’re such a lousy cook, but we’ll make it through tonight.” “Your cooking isn’t that great, right?” “Your mom’s cooking was this bad, wasn’t it?”
• The lowest man on the totem pole may be a hard worker but is considered inferior. Any mistake is taken as a sign of his mediocrity, clumsiness or poor performance. The person is asked to confirm the beliefs of the others through leading questions intended to provoke humility. “You’re always such a klutz, aren’t you?” “This is really hard for you, isn’t it?”
• “You’re always so angry, aren’t you?”
• “Why are you always this upset? Why don’t you ever calm done?”
• “Why is this sort of thing always your fault?”
• “Why do you do it to me? Why do you make me angry? Why do you make me so upset?”

(This article is continued from part I)


You are here: Home Ratgeber MicroUnternehmen Self-Coaching Provoking Humilities II